Tag Archives: anti-LGBTQ

CRU Does “Homemade Conversion Therapy” to Scar Gay Christians: “I go to therapy and cry my eyes out each time over the things Christianity took away from me.”

“I’m a 22 year old gay college student who struggles with extreme anxiety and depression. When I was 17, i came out to my parents. It didn’t end well and I was hospitalized for suicide. My parents didn’t take it seriously enough after I got out and tried to change my sexuality. I became super bitter against them, and eventually became numb. I used sex as my way of feeling for about 3 years. I was sexually assaulted twice in that period. At the time I didn’t know who I was. I was battling myself over who I knew myself to be, and if God was “okay” with it. In my lowest times, campus ministry called Cru, picked me up. They gave the usual “love the sinner hate the sin” spiel, and told me that I couldn’t be gay and god still love me. I gave into those lies, mostly because it was something. It was something to feel. Something to live for. I took everything they said and rolled with it. In the meantime, I made friends with people who I cared for deeply. In the meantime, i was working on becoming a minister myself.

Then depression hit full force again. Cru took advantage of this. They threw everything they had about gay not being okay, and at this time threatened to take away my leadership I had built if I “gave into my sexuality”. And again, I took everything they said, and ran with it. They would say things like my sexuality is why I’m depressed. They’re homemade conversion therapy ruined me without me even realizing it. At the end of the semester, something clicked, and I kept praying for God to tell me why he allowed me to go through depression. Cru said it was my being gay. My heart told me something else. Lo and behold that something else was that shit happens. Depression runs in my family. No nothing about me being has made me depressed. No nothing about anything I’ve done has made me depressed. I left Cru almost immediately after I made this realization.

Meanwhile, my church was making bold statements about how being gay was a sin and how they’re not allowing any gay leadership. I have sat through 2 meetings with 100s of people saying amen to these statements while holding back tears. Because if I had let those tears flow, I would be ousted. I may have even been shot, and I’m not even kidding after hearing many of these “men and women God” say their true thoughts on the issue. I’m in the process of leaving them too.

After almost 2 years since I left Cru, and now leaving the church I grew up in, I’ve realized that I cannot be a Christian. Because Christianity took it all from me. It took away the friendships I thought were so beautiful simply because of who I like to be in bed with. I watch as the people I once called friends forget who I am. My name. My face. It took away a good relationship with my parents, and now I watch from the sidelines as my mom is slowly dying of cancer, and my dad literally losing his mind. All while wondering what could have been if they had just accepted me. It took away a career of helping people to be loved fully. And to be cared for fully. I wanted to feed the homeless. I wanted to help give the abused a place to rest. I wanted to help all the ones who have had nothing. Because I have been through what it’s like to have nothing and no one. But now I have to find a different way to do it. Because I don’t want anything to do with Christians. Churches. None of it.

I’m scarred. I have to take 4 pills a day to survive. I go to therapy and cry my eyes out each time over the things Christianity took away from me. My friends. My family. My passions. I feel lost still, and definitely feel alone. I’m trying to make it, but all I have are me and my boyfriend, and a few old friends here and there. It’s nothing like it used to be. I felt alive when I was a part of Cru. But Christianity has taken away that feeling too. If anybody relates, I would love to talk. Some solidarity would really help me feel better. Sorry for the long post, but I don’t really know where else to turn.”

Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/exchristian/comments/ekm1mb/christianity_took_everything_from_me_long_read/

InterVarsity (IV) – “some of the most hurtful and painful messages I have ever received”

Excerpts from: https://www.evangelicalsforsocialaction.org/oriented-to-love-sexual-justice/weeping-for-intervarsity-christian-fellowship

“But I also felt like a ticking time bomb and a liability because I wasn’t straight. Even though I have shaped my spirituality around the command to “Seek first the Kingdom of God,” it never felt like a sound enough basis to help me navigate questions of faith and sexuality. Within my chapter of InterVarsity, the ever-present subtext was that anyone who struggled with same-sex attraction needed to concern themselves first and foremost with cleaning house spirituality, lest scandal befall the fellowship.”

“However, my experience has shown me that InterVarsity is scarcely willing to discuss matters of vocation with LGBTQ individuals and would rather hold us at arm’s length. Several years ago, I entrusted parts of my story to the Gay Christian Network when they produced a documentary called Through My Eyes. When I watched the video, I was glad to see that the documentary raised questions about how to provide pastoral care to teenagers and young adults wrestling with questions of faith and sexuality. I had several friends on InterVarsity staff looking for resources that focused on LGBTQ people in the church, so I sent them copies of the film. I reached out several times to see if they would be interested in talking further, but I received no replies. Additionally, I’ve received several emails from IV staff asking for prayer support when students have raised questions around LGBTQ sexuality, and I have replied to those emails only to receive no response from the people who sent them. This pattern continued even after I started blogging at A Queer Calling and sharing my experiences of being a celibate LGBT Christian more broadly.”

“I see an organization clinging to an understanding that being gay is necessarily a “past tense” reality for any Christian and perpetuating some of the most hurtful and painful messages I have ever received as I have done my best to seek Christ.”

Cru – “they try to take over your whole life – your time, your social circle, your reading material”

“I’ve had experience with both IV and CCC, and the comment someone made earlier about how invasive they are is spot-on. They try to take over your whole life – your time, your social circle, your reading material, etc.

The main difference between those two groups seems to be that CCC comes right out of the gate with the less popular material (Creationism, anti-gay messages, very aggressive evangelism, non-Christians doomed to Hell, etc.) whereas Intervarsity believes all that but keeps it under wraps (to a degree anyway) to attract more students.”

Excerpt from: https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2010/11/21/did-you-ever-belong-to-an-evangelical-campus-ministry/

Cru – “attacked and beat up my female friend”, “dents from them bashing her head into it”

Excerpt from: https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/desoe/campus_christian_clubs_your_experiences/

“I have had some good experiences and some bad ones.

I have met some good and fun people while going to campus christian groups. However, as in any type of community, there are bad parts as well.

One group in southern california attacked and beat up my female friend who was head of GLBT club on campus. It was 5 men against one meek lesbian. The set upon at her car at night while she was trying to leave. It took 15 minutes for someone to find her lying down in small pool of blood. They were arrested at their next club meeting when she arrived with the police. Her car still had dents from them bashing her head into it. (“This is what an eternity of Hell feels like!”). I think the group was Campus Crusade for Christ.

Another campus christian group at school had a protest at the opening of an interfaith chapel. They strongly believed that the Wican group did not have a place at the interfaith chapel. I guess they focused more and “chapel” than “interfaith.”

Of the times I attended the sessions, they were led by college students. I had the feeling it was much like a practice and testing ground for the leader, which is good. While the polish might not have been high, it was good for what is was.””

InterVarsity (IV) – “pressured to leave…”, “to cover up for their anti-LGBTQ views”

“I was pressured to leave my small group after becoming public about my relationship with my current boyfriend (I am a male). No public words telling me to leave were given but I was promptly left out of all communication about events activities and the leadership position i was supposed to interview for was suddenly “taken” and they told me I am “under-qualified”. It was bullshit to cover up for their anti-LGBTQ views and policies against students.” – JT, ’20